Flayed!

 Yesterday in in class we were finishing up 1984. In the novel the main character, Winston Smith, has to go into room 101 and face his biggest fear, being devoured by rats. He can't deal though and so betrays his love, Julia. I asked the students what their worst fears were. Most of them said loneliness and isolation.  Then I asked the follow up question, "Would you betray your loved ones to escape your worst fear?" This put them on pause. One student asked me what mine was and I said it was being flayed. Then they asked me if I would betray loved ones to avoid that. I said I didn't think so, but couldn't know for certain without being in that situation. Then I a had a crazy revelation. I said, Wait a minute, I HAVE been in that situation! They started at me like, what? I told them the story of riding a motorcycle when I was 19. My girlfriend at the time was on the back of the bike. We hit patch of gravel on a turn and the bike flipped. I remember that even as I was skidding face first on the gravel, my front side being, essentially, flayed, having the thought, Thank God she is on the my back right now so she's not getting her skin ripped off too. 

Poem for Truck #64

 I should write you  more often, I know.

But you are always in my thoughts.

For instance, I was thinking of you

as I was skipping down Skillman

this afternoon in the cold sun

of Sunnyside Queens

It's freezing don't you know.

But I was raring to go

once I started going

I had to do that

but then you know

put on Afrobeats

artist Tems

because she was a clue

in the most recent New Yorker crossword

medium difficulty

She guest appeared with Dave 

(Dave is his whole name which I love.

I also love rhyming love with Dave.

Damn, how long can this aside go on?

A little longer I'm afraid : )

Oh hi!

I'm writing a poem again.

I almost forgot what that feels like.

It's a good thing to forget.

And even better to remember again.

Anyway, the name of the album is

The Boy Who Played The Harp. 

My God, the flow of Dave!

Mighty Dave. And the weave

of Tems into the mix, and the weave

on Tems, or no, that's probably all real hair.

Goddess. 

Well, that's when I thought of you, champ. 

This album on this day I was thinking

you should take it for a spin

wherever you are and just strut.

You have a mighty fine strut.

I can only tell you what happened to me.

After a block or three I no longer cared

that it was cold,  or I was tired.

I felt I could walk all day

and deep into the night too. 

Student feedback (file for future use)

I learned about different plays and dramas that reflected on who we are, how we relate to each other, and what we came here to do. Gave deeper knowledge and understanding of my peers around me and how I interact with them. 

In A Dolls house when the woman has to stand up for herself it inspired me to do the same if I’m ever in a toxic situation. In Amadeus when Mozart would act out he was very eccentric. This was unexpected because of how talented he was in music and production. This shows that being yourself shouldn’t effect what you do, you can be amazing at something while still being you. 

Off topic, but never give up the songs you sang for us before the start of winter break. I really enjoyed it and so did everyone else.

This class definitely opened my eyes.

As a whole, I took this class to be a way to look deeper inside the words of the play constantly; these plays had multiple levels whi you were able to develop for us. 

you put a lot of effort in this class and it was shown.

A suggestion would be adding a project where we create our own scripts, film them, and present the plays, 

The plays we read in class got me interested in reading more of them in the future and even watch more drama related movies and shows.

One thing that I think will improve this class is more of the acting out when reading because it shows the real emotion of what’s going on.

This class taught me how to write my own poems, appreciate the deeper meaning of writing, and to try my best. It also taught me to be more creative and use my imagination way more than I used to. I also learned to express my thoughts through poetry. 

This class taught me how to write my own poems, appreciate the deeper meaning of writing, and to try my best. It also taught me to be more creative and use my imagination way more than I used to. I also learned to express my thoughts through poetry. 

School does have some rough times but I feel this class definitely made my senior year more enjoyable.

School does have some rough times but I feel this class definitely made my senior year more enjoyable.

 I definitely write better poems now than before.

When I first walked into class I immediately thought that I wouldn't be capable of writing to my best ability but I was wrong. I also feel that you should continue with your music and writing

career as I know you will get very far. The most memorable moment for me in this class was when you played the guitar before break. It made me sad in a way because we all got to sing together for the first time. To you I would like to say that you made poetry an enjoyable experience. When I first walked into class I immediately got myself hooked into the idea that it would be too difficult but I was able to change that mindset. This class helped me figure out that I have a passion for writing. I enjoyed being able to reflect in my moleskin and create poems

that I got to share with my friends and family.

Since the beginning of this class to now I feel like I’m a way better writer than I was before.

Another memorable moment for me was when we were writing poems and I needed help to find a word that would fit in a sentence and I asked someone next to me for help and in doing so I made a new friend. So I think that was memorable too. 

I learned a lot from this class that I could even use when I get older. It taught me to always look for the deeper meaning and details behind every word, line, or stanza. I could use this in real life when I talk to people and find out what they’re really trying to tell me through learning how to interpret poems. 

The connection, energy, and vibes were immaculate and memorable which is why I’m glad to have been in this class.

At first I really did not like poetry but as i made my own poems and read many different poems I have found an unexpected connection and love for poetry. 

 I learned that my subconscious mind is powerful and can tell me things through poetry. 

I learned that it is okay to take a couple seconds to yourself. I loved how at the beginning of every class we would close everything, put all things aside, and just take deep breaths in silence.  I dread going to most of my other senior classes, but stepping into poetry I was always stress free.

I learned that I have a creative and poetic side in me that I never knew,

I learned how to take a deep breath in and a deep breath out. I will hold that with me and do that

more often when I just need a moment where I want the world to stop and just relax and to think

about nothing.

I learned anyone can write good poetry given enough time.

I learned how to be calm. Everyday we take deep breaths together to settle ourselves for class. I started doing it every morning. I added this to my lifestyle and it truly makes my day better.

Thank you for being yourself in front of your classes.  Many people don’t do it. I think more people should forget about what people think and express what they enjoy doing as an individual without worrying about other people's comments on your life. 

I learned a lot from this class.  Poetry is very beautiful. As well as learning about the extreme writing skills of Haruki Murakami. The class was very fun and I enjoyed it very much.  I really appreciate it.

I learned that not everything has one meaning. As someone who’s favorite

subject is math, I find that I usually enjoy having a definite solution so I value this new skill.

I learned how to express the emotions that I keep locked in and turn it into writing. 

From this class, I feel the beauty of poem. I also know that a great poet can come from anywhere.

The most memorable moment is when I stood in front of the class and recited poems for extra credit. I was nervous at first, but then, I started to feel the beauty of the words and recited vividly.

I learned how to breathe and keep my mind calm. I also learned to understand myself better and think more about my feelings and relationships. This class helped me slow down and look inside my heart. It felt very real and warm.

I enjoyed singing and laughing as a class. I feel like we had a lot of good jokes and moments.

My most memorable moment was when you sang to our class right before Christmas break. The lights were dim, everyone was participating and singing along. This moment was wholesome and enjoyable.

You encourage everyone to believe they can write and make us think by asking many questions.

If I told September me that my favorite class of the semester would end up being poetry, I would’ve been shocked. I loved this class through and through, and I am so happy to have taken it. I might even start writing now, whether it be random short stories or poetry. Whatever happens, it’s going to have to wait until I have more free time. 

What I learned from this class is that poetry can be. found almost anywhere in the smallest things to the biggest situations and that the ways to interpret them are endless. As poems are not definite they are infinities. There is no set way to write one or read one.

The most unforgettable part is our surprise quizzes. When I saw those questions, I realized that I could understand the books more deeply.

Thanks for letting us just read and talk about the poetry in our own way.

I learned about different plays and dramas that reflected on who we are, how we relate to each other, and what we came here to do. Gave deeper knowledge and understanding of my peers around me and how I interact with them. 

In A Dolls house when the woman has to stand up for herself it inspired me to do the same if I’m ever in a toxic situation. In Amadeus when Mozart would act out he was very eccentric. This was unexpected because of how talented he was in music and production. This shows that being yourself shouldn’t effect what you do, you can be amazing at something while still being you. 

Off topic, but never give up the songs you sang for us before the start of winter break. I really enjoyed it and so did everyone else.

This class definitely opened my eyes.

As a whole, I took this class to be a way to look deeper inside the words of the play constantly; these plays had multiple levels whi you were able to develop for us. 

you put a lot of effort in this class and it was shown.

A suggestion would be adding a project where we create our own scripts, film them, and present the plays, 

The plays we read in class got me interested in reading more of them in the future and even watch more drama related movies and shows.

One thing that I think will improve this class is more of the acting out when reading because it shows the real emotion of what’s going on.

This class taught me how to write my own poems, appreciate the deeper meaning of writing, and to try my best. It also taught me to be more creative and use my imagination way more than I used to. I also learned to express my thoughts through poetry. 

This class taught me how to write my own poems, appreciate the deeper meaning of writing, and to try my best. It also taught me to be more creative and use my imagination way more than I used to. I also learned to express my thoughts through poetry. 

School does have some rough times but I feel this class definitely made my senior year more enjoyable.

School does have some rough times but I feel this class definitely made my senior year more enjoyable.

 I definitely write better poems now than before.

When I first walked into class I immediately thought that I wouldn't be capable of writing to my best ability but I was wrong. I also feel that you should continue with your music and writing

career as I know you will get very far. The most memorable moment for me in this class was when you played the guitar before break. It made me sad in a way because we all got to sing together for the first time. To you I would like to say that you made poetry an enjoyable experience. When I first walked into class I immediately got myself hooked into the idea that it would be too difficult but I was able to change that mindset. This class helped me figure out that I have a passion for writing. I enjoyed being able to reflect in my moleskin and create poems

that I got to share with my friends and family.

Since the beginning of this class to now I feel like I’m a way better writer than I was before.

Another memorable moment for me was when we were writing poems and I needed help to find a word that would fit in a sentence and I asked someone next to me for help and in doing so I made a new friend. So I think that was memorable too. 

I learned a lot from this class that I could even use when I get older. It taught me to always look for the deeper meaning and details behind every word, line, or stanza. I could use this in real life when I talk to people and find out what they’re really trying to tell me through learning how to interpret poems. 

The connection, energy, and vibes were immaculate and memorable which is why I’m glad to have been in this class.

At first I really did not like poetry but as i made my own poems and read many different poems I have found an unexpected connection and love for poetry. 

 I learned that my subconscious mind is powerful and can tell me things through poetry. 

I learned that it is okay to take a couple seconds to yourself. I loved how at the beginning of every class we would close everything, put all things aside, and just take deep breaths in silence.  I dread going to most of my other senior classes, but stepping into poetry I was always stress free.

I learned that I have a creative and poetic side in me that I never knew,

I learned how to take a deep breath in and a deep breath out. I will hold that with me and do that

more often when I just need a moment where I want the world to stop and just relax and to think

about nothing.

I learned anyone can write good poetry given enough time.

I learned how to be calm. Everyday we take deep breaths together to settle ourselves for class. I started doing it every morning. I added this to my lifestyle and it truly makes my day better.

Thank you for being yourself in front of your classes.  Many people don’t do it. I think more people should forget about what people think and express what they enjoy doing as an individual without worrying about other people's comments on your life. 

I learned a lot from this class.  Poetry is very beautiful. As well as learning about the extreme writing skills of Haruki Murakami. The class was very fun and I enjoyed it very much.  I really appreciate it.

I learned that not everything has one meaning. As someone who’s favorite

subject is math, I find that I usually enjoy having a definite solution so I value this new skill.

I learned how to express the emotions that I keep locked in and turn it into writing. 

From this class, I feel the beauty of poem. I also know that a great poet can come from anywhere.

The most memorable moment is when I stood in front of the class and recited poems for extra credit. I was nervous at first, but then, I started to feel the beauty of the words and recited vividly.

I learned how to breathe and keep my mind calm. I also learned to understand myself better and think more about my feelings and relationships. This class helped me slow down and look inside my heart. It felt very real and warm.

I enjoyed singing and laughing as a class. I feel like we had a lot of good jokes and moments.

My most memorable moment was when you sang to our class right before Christmas break. The lights were dim, everyone was participating and singing along. This moment was wholesome and enjoyable.

You encourage everyone to believe they can write and make us think by asking many questions.

If I told September me that my favorite class of the semester would end up being poetry, I would’ve been shocked. I loved this class through and through, and I am so happy to have taken it. I might even start writing now, whether it be random short stories or poetry. Whatever happens, it’s going to have to wait until I have more free time. 

What I learned from this class is that poetry can be. found almost anywhere in the smallest things to the biggest situations and that the ways to interpret them are endless. As poems are not definite they are infinities. There is no set way to write one or read one.

The most unforgettable part is our surprise quizzes. When I saw those questions, I realized that I could understand the books more deeply.

Thanks for letting us just read and talk about the poetry in our own way.

Saturday night blues. (Blue is a good color in this case.)

An account. 

Sofia off to spend the night with two girlfriends (ruh roh) and Lucia is with a friend upstate. 

Gen having dinner with her gay boyfriend. (Her true love in some ways.) 

So I suddenly find myself on Rodriguez for a couple hours. 

(Rodriguez is Spanish slang for no wife or kids.)

1. I make myself a beyond burger and baked potato. Also a strawberry juice, soda water and tequila. Dayum.

2. I read from the book "Exuberance" which is an awesome study of exuberance itself. Can't remember author, but she's great. The book makes you exuberant.

3. Toggled back and forth between book and enjoying bites of dinner.

5. Put in a load of laundry.

6. Peed while reading an amazing poem by Jane Hirschfield. She's so good. Very Buddhist. You would like her.

7. Sat down to write this to you.

8. Next I will listen to the Bach Brandenburg concerto #5.

I got into it because during class it came up in the Murakami novel we are reading. 

It is discussed by two characters on a date, so I had everyone close their eyes and listen to 10 minutes of this concerto. 

Lord knows what they think of me. But it was a great class hahahaha.

9. I'm asking you to listen to it to. 

Note that Casals opted for piano over harpsichord. 

Listen to that piano, especially. 

10. This next part will be private. 

11. I will sing 3 songs. 

It's snowing in Manhattan, First we take Manhattan and The Luckiest Guy on the Lower East Side.

12. Will go play "New York Songs" with the guys until 1 am. 

13. Will come home and meet Genevieve in bed. 

Metarelax

 It turns out that the antibiotics I am on for my blood infection cause intense dreams, and even, on very rare occasions, psychosis. They have even caused auditory hallucinations for me. This morning listening to Beethoven I heard a 1930s style blues singing in the mix, which oddly fit perfectly. I had to check Spotify to see if it was supposed to be there. Nope, just in my mind. 

But the dreams are just too intense. More intense than a tab of acid. Like 5 tabs of acid. So yeah a little scary.

Tonight is my second evening of being on the new antibiotic.

I fell asleep for a half hour tonight, then woke up breathing heavy, heart beating fast, already in the grip of the dreams.

The song that my mind sent me as I lay there was the Beatles', "Tomorrow Never Knows". God love the Beatles for providing such a beautiful blueprint. It must've helped so many get through their bad trips in the 1970s. It's still working today 50 years later.

Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream
It is not dying, it is not dying
Lay down all thoughts, surrender to the void
It is shining, it is shining
That you may see the meaning of within
It is being, it is being.

Wary of going back to sleep, I decided to watch some premier TV, another good way to relax. I turned to the next episode of Murderbot. In this episode, #6, Murderbot (played by a wonderfully droll Alexander Skarsgard) must comfort the captain who is having a panic attack. Murderbot happens to be addicted to a "premier" series called "The Rise and Fall of Sanctuary Moon" (starring a wonderfully droll John Cho). Murderbot is not human, but still takes comfort in distraction when "things in the real world are stressful as shit." So when the captain is having her panic attack Murderbot does his best to help her by showing her the most calming episode of Sanctuary Moon. In the episode a character is relieving a dying couple's stress by telling them, "I am breathing. I am breathing. I am breathing the crystal air." (I heard this echoed in the Beatles' melody, "It is shining. It is shining...")

The captain, watching along, begins to slow down her breath and her panic attack abates. God love Murderbot too.

It was a very meta moment, and a lovely reminder of how we take care of each other through art.

perfect day 8/13/25

 woke up 7am went on walk with Genevieve on the boardwalk in North Rustico. There was a statue of an Acadian fisherman in the middle of the bay. We got the bakery as it opened and there was instantly a long line. It was a crazy swarm. 

After breakfast we drove out to the Morell river and took a canoe trip down. It was like going 1000  years back in time. I had Sofia in my canoe and it was also like being outside of time with her. Timeless time. We saw beautiful angel-like jellyfish in the water. 

Then we drove to Charlottetown for lunch at The Cork and Cast. I had the best grapeleaf roll and Caesar salad AND haddock sandwich of my life. As we ate we watched Alcaraz play tennis and they were playing the best of Sly and the Family Stone on the jukebox. I was in my happy place. 

We drove 4 hours to Fredericton NB, and the drive through the NB countryside during the sunset was stunning. We listened to great music on CBC "Drive" and then a few hours of the 6th Hunger Games book. There were good discussion about the book along the way. 

Then the airb&b in Fredericton had an incredible 1880 Loeser grand piano. Sofia is learning "Heaven is a place" on it even as I write this. 

Thank you life. 

 Day off for Catholic Ascension Thurs. Finished James by Percival Everett, cleaned basement, played tennis tournament against Ross Riley, won 6-2, talked to Brian Mattson for his birthday, took the girls to school, picked up a bagel and lox for Genevieve, had dreams about not inspecting work closely enough, went to Frank Sinatra to watch the year-end Dance performance, wrote 1 and half Emily Dickinson essays on F794 and F795, practiced songs for the upcoming Kinks' Flynndig. Meditated. Worked out. Good full day. And still feeling a bit bland?