Yesterday in in class we were finishing up 1984. In the novel the main character, Winston Smith, has to go into room 101 and face his biggest fear, being devoured by rats. He can't deal though and betrays his love, Julia. I asked the students what their worst fears were. Most of them said loneliness and isolation. (I thought that was interesting. Is that why we love trapped-in-outerspace movies like Project Hail Mary, I wonder, because it helps us confront this fear?) Then I asked the follow up question, "would you betray your loved ones to escape your worst fear? This put them on pause. One student asked me what mine was and I said it was being flayed. Then they asked me if I would betray loved ones to avoid that. I said I didn't think so, but couldn't know for certain without being in that situation. Then I a had a crazy revelation. I said, Wait a minute, I HAVE been in that situation! They started at me like, what? I told them the story of being riding a motorcycle when I was 19. My girlfriend at the time was on the back of the bike. We had patch of gravel on a turn and the bike flipped. I remember that even as I was skidding face first on the gravel, being essentially flayed, having the thought, Thank God she is on the my back right now so she's not getting her skin ripped off. I told the class that was proof to me of a kind of a core selflessness that I believe we all share before doubts and thoughts kick in.
