Dreams

The night before last I dreamed I was on an island hopping from resort to resort with friends. Each resort was more beautiful than the last. Alejandro was there and Jax, all the slo children. At one point Jax told me about his dreams the night before. I was hearing about his dreams IN my dream.

Then last night I dreamed I was hanging out with John Cusack. We rode scooters to a club. It was a great time.

I love being able to play out Fantasies in my dreams!

4th dimension

Reading Jonathan Lethem's book Dissident Gardens, set in Sunnyside Queens where we have taken up residence. Meanwhile I'm listening to Donovan's Spotify station. The main character in the book tells another, "Wear your love like heaven", a Donovan line, and the mystery deepens.

Dream of dream (after Mike KElley)

Lste afternoon asking Matthew about his plans (he's going to Marley's soccer game) eventually turns into Late night drunken wandering where I run into random friends. 

Diandra tries to get me to go to another party. We talk about surfing and i picture her entering the wave. My brother jeremy too.

Someone else i run into is performing. 

Then i run nto Katy Lederer and she is also performing later. Singing, she is glowing.

 As I I am talking to Katy I realize I am dreaming.  Everyone is delirious and happy but I am sad that the night- the dream- LIFE is ending.

 I am saying goodbye to people  I love knowing that when I wake up it is a kind of death. The death of the dream. 

Then I wander into a pizza joint . Fucking James Franco shows up drunk. I want to tell him to snap out of it and REMEMBER this this LIFE. I know he will be gone in a flash. He smiles and says smell that? I tAke in the smell. Pizza I say (and think, yes he gets it!)  No, he says, it smells like shit. his face cHanges to a scowl. I can smell it as soon as he says it. and I think NO James you can CHOOSE what you smell! This is just a dream this life!

 Another friend shows up drunk. He's a mess.  I try to involve him in a plan to help him out, some kind of scheme we cAn do together. But then He leaves in a car with a bunch of fools  and I realize it is no use with him. 

It's okay, just a dream.

I wake myself up.

Magic in a streak. I've noticed that they come that way. Why I don't know. My dad is visiting. Maybe that's why.

Finding the coffee table yesterday, just what we needed. And then deciding to buy a second copy of Dissidents Gardens at Jonathon Lethems reading today, as a gift to a friend. Finding a $20 bill in the book later. So the gift was immediately returned to me by the universe!

Dissident Gardens text place in New York Sunnyside where I have just moved to. It is full of the dream of lost community. And yet it is ironic because that is where I am finding community now. After the reading I saw several people from Sunnyside Gardens and the gardener who tends the community garden behind the Sunnyside Gardens. I said to them you are the real distant garden. They all laughed. And it was a golden moment.

Strongly feeling the need for some collaborative art. Make it happen.

Driving north and feeling down
When on the radio a sappy blues
number, Unhappy little girl blues.
Hey line comes on about Counting raindrops on the windshield.
I look at the windshield and notice the raindrops.

Song is taunting me for being an unhappy little girl.

Suddenly I am thinking Prospero giving up his magic and becoming a new prince again.

And a siren from behind me and I jump out of my skin. Too jumpy. Paranoid. Because I am in standstill traffic and texting. Because I am always under the gun release days. Mostly because I am not very smart when it comes to the exigencies of living day-to-day life. But that is the price of being me, no? So then how to be me and to please a worried perfectionist.

Then there's just becomes a journal entry and not a poem.

Step back and notice how pain led me to think. Also take a breath and stop thinking. Then I feel better. But that is the crux of the problem. How do I not think and enjoy, when I have to think all the time?

You just heard, sometimes I'm happy, the DJ says on the radio.

Radio as Prospero. Prospero as. Shakespeare as writer. Writer as self.

Romantic comedy

My friend Chris sent me a play list he made for his new love, and the playlist she made for him. I loved being in the middle, his gaze on her and hers for him, both of them presenting their best vision of the picture through the music.

And I was thinking about all of the nuances, his long intro, certain lines that I know he was putting emphasis on, figured that at some level I was picking up more than she was. I was deeper inside of the romance between the two of them from my objective third-party subjectivity, than either of them could be, Love being blind and all.

I feel that way I read literature too, like tonight watching Shakespeare. to be an attentive lover to Shakespeare I have to plumb the depths of the play. I have to get him. And so he gives me is all. I Fall in love with either side of the equation as presented by the two in him.