Metarelax

 It turns out that the antibiotics I am on for my blood infection cause intense dreams, and even, on very rare occasions, psychosis. They have even caused auditory hallucinations for me. This morning listening to Beethoven I heard a 1930s style blues singing in the mix, which oddly fit perfectly. I had to check Spotify to see if it was supposed to be there. Nope, just in my mind. 

But the dreams are just too intense. More intense than a tab of acid. Like 5 tabs of acid. So yeah a little scary.

Tonight is my second evening of being on the new antibiotic.

I fell asleep for a half hour tonight, then woke up breathing heavy, heart beating fast, already in the grip of the dreams.

The song that my mind sent me as I lay there was the Beatles', "Tomorrow Never Knows". God love the Beatles for providing such a beautiful blueprint. It must've helped so many get through their bad trips in the 1970s. It's still working today 50 years later.

Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream
It is not dying, it is not dying
Lay down all thoughts, surrender to the void
It is shining, it is shining
That you may see the meaning of within
It is being, it is being.

Wary of going back to sleep, I decided to watch some premier TV, another good way to relax. I turned to the next episode of Murderbot. In this episode, #6, Murderbot (played by a wonderfully droll Alexander Skarsgard) must comfort the captain who is having a panic attack. Murderbot happens to be addicted to a "premier" series called "The Rise and Fall of Sanctuary Moon" (starring a wonderfully droll John Cho). Murderbot is not human, but still takes comfort in distraction when "things in the real world are stressful as shit." So when the captain is having her panic attack Murderbot does his best to help her by showing her the most calming episode of Sanctuary Moon. In the episode a character is relieving a dying couple's stress by telling them, "I am breathing. I am breathing. I am breathing the crystal air." (I heard this echoed in the Beatles' melody, "It is shining. It is shining...")

The captain, watching along, begins to slow down her breath and her panic attack abates. God love Murderbot too.

It was a very meta moment, and a lovely reminder of how we take care of each other through art.

perfect day 8/13/25

 woke up 7am went on walk with Genevieve on the boardwalk in North Rustico. There was a statue of an Acadian fisherman in the middle of the bay. We got the bakery as it opened and there was instantly a long line. It was a crazy swarm. 

After breakfast we drove out to the Morell river and took a canoe trip down. It was like going 1000  years back in time. I had Sofia in my canoe and it was also like being outside of time with her. Timeless time. We saw beautiful angel-like jellyfish in the water. 

Then we drove to Charlottetown for lunch at The Cork and Cast. I had the best grapeleaf roll and Caesar salad and haddock sandwich of my life. As we ate we watched Alcaraz play tennis and they were playing the best of Sly and the Family Stone on the jukebox. I was in my happy place. 

We drove 4 hours to Fredericton NB, and the drive through the NB countryside during the sunset was stunning. We listened to great music on CBC "Drive" and then a few hours of the 6th Hunger Games book. There were good discussion about the book along the way. 

Then the airb&b in Fredericton had an incredible 1880 Loeser grand piano. Sofia is learning "Heaven is a place" on it even as I write this. 

Thank you, life. 

 Day off for Catholic Ascension Thurs. Finished James by Percival Everett, cleaned basement, played tennis tournament against Ross Riley, won 6-2, talked to Brian Mattson for his birthday, took the girls to school, picked up a bagel and lox for Genevieve, had dreams about not inspecting work closely enough, went to Frank Sinatra to watch the year-end Dance performance, wrote 1 and half Emily Dickinson essays on F794 and F795, practiced songs for the upcoming Kinks' Flynndig. Meditated. Worked out. Good full day. And still feeling a bit bland?

12/7/24

Today at school, The Tempest to sophomores and reading outloud Seniors' I Remember poems.

Swell night. gen at Ed's. Worked on F759, went super deep with it, so intoxicating. Then worked on songs, F755, Merry Christmas, Diamond Star by Alex Cory, You can be a poet by Noel Black. I added Truck Darling and Gerard Nerval to the mix. I added weird lines to it, hope it doesn't freak out Truck. "He liked to get his wieners all in a bun." 

Listened to Sofia play guitar for awhile, Christmas Carols,  while I looked at Lucia's pictures on her phone. 

Sofia and I walked down to Best Buy to fix a computer. Inflated battery! 

Then Lucia decided she wanted to watch a movie and told me I could pick anything after 2010. So we watched Grand Budapest Hotel. A girl on each shoulder. So good that movie. A top tenner for me. They fell asleep half way through. 

Tomorrow, Wicked. Then off to  a poetry thing with Tyler Burba. Will see Anne Waldman. Woo hoo!

11/7/24

Tonight playing Uno with Lucia, then reading her White Bird in bed. Going over to Quinn's nook  to  play classic greats, like Muddy Water, and For The Turnstiles, and Dirty Old Town, with Arthur, Lenny, Mike and Jamie. Every time like the most sophisticated wine. Way beyond that really. 

A day of teaching Patti Smith, and Villanelles,  and new Chaucer tales, and listening to kids memorize William Blake. Brilliant stuff.

Arthur asking me about the "pronunciation" of Baktib. 

Sofia going to the Xavier dance with Fynn. Teddy also there. Teddy coming home and playing Duke Ellington's Caravan with Quinn as a last song.  

I mean, really, there are so many great moments. One day is a bonanza feast. 

I didn't even  mention  all of the  food. The drinks. The books. The Prowling Bee blog. (I put up a new one, F754, Grief is a Mouse.)

I played a dozen songs by myself.  Deeply felt.

I watched the end of Disclaimer.  (Eh. But I did appreciate the twist. And Kevin Kline was wicked.)

Poems and music  and art galore. 

I gave away 5 shells. 

It was my Dad's 80th birthday. Happy birthday Dad! You're the greatest. 

5/24/24

Line from a dream this morning: "There glides into place/ a phenomenous race/ of pseudo breakers and Bee keepers"

Woke up at 3 am and wrote of the previous day:

The day as far a as it went. Heaven sent. Bob Moon is the way it ended. (Ed: Bob Dylan's birthday, full moon) The way it began was with yoga and pushups and gardenscapes. Then cheerios with apples and cinnamon and hugs all around. Then school where there was cake and crème brûlée gelato. I taught classes on black swan green by David Mitchell. It was fire. They did a meta essay on the difference between a secret that should go public vs one that should stay private. Meanwhile I caught up on my grading and after, more gelato. Then I came home and read the New Yorker and took a nap. I spent some time today working on next Emily Dickinson poem, F719. Every one is a thrill. Walk with Genevieve to take Beatrix home. Pizza in the park for Fridays in the park. Talk to Nancy and Paul. Read Nancy's 100 word story. Listen to Paul's amazing story about The Prisoner. He will stay in the castle! Then off to Schupback gardens where we sang many songs by The Beach Boys, and Jerry Jeff Walker and the Beatles and Neil Young, with Arthur and Lenny and Jamie and Quinn. Holy singing under the full Bob moon, while singing "It takes a lot to laugh, it takes a train to cry" at the very moment an LIRR train rolls by and blows it's whistle. So elevated. Gabe depressed, over text, over the state of the world. Played tennis with another Gabriel and won. Felt good on the court, healthy at 55. Alive happy to be. Music and poetry and teaching and novels and singing and friends and wife and daughters I love and parents still alive. In the zone. Allegra prone. Burnt pop corn smell as I try to sleep. But first this burst of memory. I love you.

memoir note. "I never met a man I didn't like."

 When I was a boy we used to travel down the Will Rogers Turnpike from Joplin MO to Tulsa OK, where friends of my parents lived. About half way there was the Will Rogers Rest-stop. At the Rest-stop there was a statue of Will Rogers. At the foot of the statue there was an inscription. "I never met a man I didn't like." 

This inscription entered my mind as a a melody.

Ba bum                   Ba bum

              Ba bum                     Ba bum      Ba

                                                                         bum.  

At the end of the melody, for the period there was a Boop!

I nev                a man

          er met                 I did'nt

                                                    like   Boop!

I believe the reason this entered my brain as a melody was because my deeper mind instantly knew that these words were important and should be remembered. 

So... it stuck with me! And it has been a lifetime to goal to try to live up to Will's words. I have been severely challenged at times to like certain people. But it's a worthwhile goal, and these challenges are worthy.