i think you should have a dozen of your friends write blurbs for an appendix in back of the book. Ask them for specific stories. That would make it an epic book I think, and phat! Ask a dozen people at least and make it due in one week, whatever they can come up with in that time. Take the best ones only. I'll ask Tyler and Karen, unless you want to. Just let me know.
Introduction to Green Muse book (which you should put out on Green Muse Press, make it seem all official.)
Let me just say that I consider myself an experienced expert in the field
of Matthew’s Space Cakes. I have had the proverbial Gladwellian 10,000 hours of
experience with them, each of those hours filled with moments of pure, unadulterated
magic; not the rough black magic of most intoxicants, mind you, but the
soothing green kind kind of magic that is actually good for you. I am endlessly
grateful for each and every minute, to both Matthew and his perfected rendering
of his green muse.
Maybe I should further define what I mean by magic (even if
magic defies definition by nature.) Let me at least try to describe to you what I (think I) mean by it.
Maybe the most simple metaphor is that of a doorway that you walk
through into an enchanting land of beauty. If you’ve ever tried mushrooms, you will
already fully understand what I mean by this kind of magic. Sometimes you get
through the door just by floating down a river on a beautiful sunny day. Add a few
mushrooms to that scenario and you are even more of all the way there. Nature is
part of magic too.
One earmark of magic is synchronicity. Actually,
more than
than just a neutral synchronicity, you get happy serendipity with good
herb. I often have crazy experiences with the aid of Matthew’s cake. I
will include a recent example in
the appendix to this book (see Silent Disco, appendix.) Amazing things
happen, truly.
My theory on serendipity (as if you asked me for it) is that
in the 4th dimension all time and space points meet together, just
like two 2-D lines do when they are forming an angle meet each other in realm
of 3-D. I know that is impossible to get. I don't quite get it myself. (See Honeywell Street affair, appendix.)
Another earmark of magic is music. Music also goes 4-D, or
rather you go 4-D with music which basically means you can get inside of of it
more easily. And oh my god is it beautiful in there. If you can’t imagine, then please have
a gumball sized pinch of one of Matthew’s brownies and hear. (Apropos to
everything, scientists have recently discovered that the atom has the frequency
of a “D Note”, twenty octaves up from middle C.)
A third earmark is taste. These cakes taste like
earthy, chocolaty fluffiness, like the stuff of Aztec gods. Chase it down with a
cup of coffee and exult in the flavor.
If you want to really dazzle someone, then add some vanilla
icecream. Y’all are now ready to go.
A fourth quality of magic is love. This is an under-appreciated, little talked about, but very important aspect of Marijuana.
It is a super duper uper powerful connection. Here’s my mind-blowing question to you. Do you
know anyone who has been seriously injured, or worse, killed, because of
Marijuana? (Alchohol involvement doesn’t count.) If the herb makes you stupid,
then why doesn’t anybody ever wreck their car while using it? Doesn’t that
sound a bit incredible to you? I’ve read more than once that there is are zero
deaths linked to Marijuana consumption. I mean isn’t that a little suspicious?
Is there some kind of protective green fairy quality in THC? It would almost be
eerie if it wasn’t so sweet. And let’s not forget to mention the countless
medical ills, from glaucoma to cancer, from nausea to narcolepsy, that the
compound in THC can assuredly help cure.
One hidden health benefit that is vitally important to keep
in mind is what the French term “joi de vivre”. This is what we call
PREVENTATIVE medicine. Stress is a killer. When you are relaxed you are made
safer from future pain. How about that? I love to get a massage, because it
feels great, but I rarely ever need one. Because if you go out dancing on space
cakes every now and then, as I often do, you find that does you just as much
good, or more.
That’s my lengthy rebuke to anyone who calls marijuana a
vice. It isn’t a vice, cops. It’s a virtue. It is isn’t toxic. It’s nutritious
like vitamin D.
It’s crazy it has such a stigma. I bow down and apologize to
the elan vitale in Marijuana for our species’ rude and brutal behaviour. It
kills me that so many have been imprisoned in her name. What a pile of horrors
our stupid fears have caused us. It’s like a greek tragedy up in here.
All because we are a culture that is afraid to relax. It
causes terrible things to happen to people. This is true pretty much across the
globe, but there are a few islands here and there that have always
instinctively enjoyed the truth of the herb. This probably has something to do
with the fact that they are living in natural abundance, in the harmony of a small
community. On islands the fish and fruit keep people happy and there is less in
general to fear, save invadors from the East and West. I’m thinking of Ganja in
Jamaica. Otherwise you find it accepted in places with spiritual abundance,
like on the ganges.
Ha, dropping theory like the Beastie Boy drops an orange.
Anyway, don’t live in fear is all I’m saying here; enjoy a
little cake with your wine. This book will teach you how to produce cakes fine enough to go with your finest wines.
And speaking of wine, let me get back to mushrooms. Maybe
one of the most amazing things about Matthew’s cakes (consistently!) is
consistency. In other words you control where they take you. Just don’t take
too much! More on that later. The important thing to remember is that you control how much. And you
control the circumstances. It’s never the herb’s fault. It’s always yours. If
you can’t handle that, that’s on you.
But more amazing still is that within your control, if you
can handle it, is a whole range of very desirable and instructive states of
mind, the kind of which are generally provided by drugs and alchohol, and not,
usually, in a kind way.
If I want a heroin/vicodan experience , and I do, I can do
that with a cake and the right music in the right locale with the right company
(which is more often than not only myself. I save it for solo relaxation time.)
If I want an upper/dizzy/whirlwind coke-fueled high, I can
get there with an espresso and the BPM’s turned up to 120. Sometimes this is
the way I write, a way to write, like Kerouac on bourbon and bennies without
the heavy come down. Sometimes this is the way I dance. (See Silent Disco,
appendix.)
Sissies and bros, you do not want to take heroin or coke.
They just don’t have your best interests in mind. They are selfish drugs. They
more often than not lead to nightmares and misery.
Alcohol too. I no longer have near the desire I once did for
those spirits; widow-makers that will just as soon wrap you around a light pole
and leave gashing wounds on your loved ones. Alchohol makes you mean too. It’s
messed up. Marijuana is the opposite. You can put it in the peace pipe and then
afterward even sworn enemies will hug it out.
The kind loose I want to feel with alchohol? I can get there
with the Matthew’s golden space cake. So much better too. It takes some getting
used to, but I’ve trained myself to let go on the green magic carpet ride. If
you can’t let go, then I advise that you follow the advice that my other
brother, Jeremy, once gave me when I was freaking out: “Break on through to the
side, man.” Sometimes that just means a shot of whiskey. Haha. You probably won’t
even need a second.
You can get there with some practice. You find the middle
way with it. And pretty soon it is like drunkenly riding a bike, but in a much safer
and healthier way.
You might even get a little psychedelic visuals if you are listening to the proper music as an added bonus.
Ecstacy too, it's got that covered. MDMA. Molly. Or whatever the
kids are calling it these days. I like Molly. Rolling on Molly. Sounds like a
modern folk song. (Rolling on Molly Ringwald? Too much?) The Cake can get as sensual as all get out, can take you
right into the “delta of venus,” to quote Beck. I mean, maybe you don’t need
the extra help, maybe, but still there it is, givingly, lovingly, aiding you
when you are at your most giving and loving. I applaud you, sir.
So really, what I am saying, for the first time
here and
now, is that Matthew’s cakes have the power to turn your vices into
virtues. You may not buy that, yet, ma'am, but if you buy this book and
pay attention to
the absolute miracle detailed within, you may just find you won’t need
to. You
may find that it is all true for you too.
On the other side of thing.
So, there’s that.
Can you imagine how great a gift this is for one brother to give to
another?
Now here’s Matthew with his own take on the thing, with an
assist from the invaluable Jacques Delaguerre, anthropath extra-ordinaire.
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