Monday, September 15, 2014

forward to matthew's space cake book

i wrote a pretty crazy mystic intro. take it or leave it i guess. definitely gives the thing a weird spin, but its one point of view.

i think you should have a dozen of your friends write blurbs for an appendix in back of the book. Ask them for specific stories. That would make it an epic book I think, and phat! Ask a dozen people at least and make it due in one week, whatever they can come up with in that time. Take the best ones only. I'll ask Tyler and Karen, unless you want to. Just let me know.

Introduction to Green Muse book (which you should put out on Green Muse Press, make it seem all official.)

Let me just say that I consider myself an experienced expert in the field of Matthew’s Space Cakes. I have had the proverbial Gladwellian 10,000 hours of experience with them, each of those hours filled with moments of pure, unadulterated magic; not the rough black magic of most intoxicants, mind you, but the soothing green kind kind of magic that is actually good for you. I am endlessly grateful for each and every minute, to both Matthew and his perfected rendering of his green muse.

Maybe I should further define what I mean by magic (even if magic defies definition by nature.) Let me at least try to describe to you what I (think I) mean by it. Maybe the most simple metaphor is that of a doorway that you walk through into an enchanting land of beauty. If you’ve ever tried mushrooms, you will already fully understand what I mean by this kind of magic. Sometimes you get through the door just by floating down a river on a beautiful sunny day. Add a few mushrooms to that scenario and you are even more of all the way there. Nature is part of magic too.

One earmark of magic is synchronicity. Actually, more than than just a neutral synchronicity, you get happy serendipity with good herb. I often have crazy experiences with the aid of Matthew’s cake. I will include a recent example in the appendix to this book (see Silent Disco, appendix.) Amazing things happen, truly.

My theory on serendipity (as if you asked me for it) is that in the 4th dimension all time and space points meet together, just like two 2-D lines do when they are forming an angle meet each other in realm of 3-D. I know that is impossible to get. I don't quite get it myself. (See Honeywell Street affair, appendix.)

Another earmark of magic is music. Music also goes 4-D, or rather you go 4-D with music which basically means you can get inside of of it more easily. And oh my god is it beautiful in there. If you can’t imagine, then please have a gumball sized pinch of one of Matthew’s brownies and hear. (Apropos to everything, scientists have recently discovered that the atom has the frequency of a “D Note”, twenty octaves up from middle C.)

A third earmark is taste. These cakes taste like earthy, chocolaty fluffiness, like the stuff of Aztec gods. Chase it down with a cup of coffee and exult in the flavor.  If you want to really dazzle someone, then add some vanilla icecream. Y’all are now ready to go.

A fourth quality of magic is love. This is an under-appreciated, little talked about, but very important aspect of Marijuana. It is a super duper uper powerful connection. Here’s my mind-blowing question to you. Do you know anyone who has been seriously injured, or worse, killed, because of Marijuana? (Alchohol involvement doesn’t count.) If the herb makes you stupid, then why doesn’t anybody ever wreck their car while using it? Doesn’t that sound a bit incredible to you? I’ve read more than once that there is are zero deaths linked to Marijuana consumption. I mean isn’t that a little suspicious? Is there some kind of protective green fairy quality in THC? It would almost be eerie if it wasn’t so sweet. And let’s not forget to mention the countless medical ills, from glaucoma to cancer, from nausea to narcolepsy, that the compound in THC can assuredly help cure.

One hidden health benefit that is vitally important to keep in mind is what the French term “joi de vivre”. This is what we call PREVENTATIVE medicine. Stress is a killer. When you are relaxed you are made safer from future pain. How about that? I love to get a massage, because it feels great, but I rarely ever need one. Because if you go out dancing on space cakes every now and then, as I often do, you find that does you just as much good, or more.

That’s my lengthy rebuke to anyone who calls marijuana a vice. It isn’t a vice, cops. It’s a virtue. It is isn’t toxic. It’s nutritious like vitamin D.

It’s crazy it has such a stigma. I bow down and apologize to the elan vitale in Marijuana for our species’ rude and brutal behaviour. It kills me that so many have been imprisoned in her name. What a pile of horrors our stupid fears have caused us. It’s like a greek tragedy up in here.

All because we are a culture that is afraid to relax. It causes terrible things to happen to people. This is true pretty much across the globe, but there are a few islands here and there that have always instinctively enjoyed the truth of the herb. This probably has something to do with the fact that they are living in natural abundance, in the harmony of a small community. On islands the fish and fruit keep people happy and there is less in general to fear, save invadors from the East and West. I’m thinking of Ganja in Jamaica. Otherwise you find it accepted in places with spiritual abundance, like on the ganges.

Ha, dropping theory like the Beastie Boy drops an orange.

Anyway, don’t live in fear is all I’m saying here; enjoy a little cake with your wine. This book will teach you how to produce cakes fine enough to go with your finest wines.

And speaking of wine, let me get back to mushrooms. Maybe one of the most amazing things about Matthew’s cakes (consistently!) is consistency. In other words you control where they take you. Just don’t take too much! More on that later. The important  thing to remember is that you control how much. And you control the circumstances. It’s never the herb’s fault. It’s always yours. If you can’t handle that, that’s on you.

But more amazing still is that within your control, if you can handle it, is a whole range of very desirable and instructive states of mind, the kind of which are generally provided by drugs and alchohol, and not, usually, in a kind way.

If I want a heroin/vicodan experience , and I do, I can do that with a cake and the right music in the right locale with the right company (which is more often than not only myself. I save it for solo relaxation time.)

If I want an upper/dizzy/whirlwind coke-fueled high, I can get there with an espresso and the BPM’s turned up to 120. Sometimes this is the way I write, a way to write, like Kerouac on bourbon and bennies without the heavy come down. Sometimes this is the way I dance. (See Silent Disco, appendix.)

Sissies and bros, you do not want to take heroin or coke. They just don’t have your best interests in mind. They are selfish drugs. They more often than not lead to nightmares and misery.

Alcohol too. I no longer have near the desire I once did for those spirits; widow-makers that will just as soon wrap you around a light pole and leave gashing wounds on your loved ones. Alchohol makes you mean too. It’s messed up. Marijuana is the opposite. You can put it in the peace pipe and then afterward even sworn enemies will hug it out.

The kind loose I want to feel with alchohol? I can get there with the Matthew’s golden space cake. So much better too. It takes some getting used to, but I’ve trained myself to let go on the green magic carpet ride. If you can’t let go, then I advise that you follow the advice that my other brother, Jeremy, once gave me when I was freaking out: “Break on through to the side, man.” Sometimes that just means a shot of whiskey. Haha. You probably won’t even need a second.

You can get there with some practice. You find the middle way with it. And pretty soon it is like drunkenly riding a bike, but in a much safer and healthier way.

You might even get a little psychedelic visuals if you are listening to the proper music as an added bonus.

Ecstacy too, it's got that covered. MDMA. Molly. Or whatever the kids are calling it these days. I like Molly. Rolling on Molly. Sounds like a modern folk song. (Rolling on Molly Ringwald? Too much?) The Cake can get as sensual as all get out, can take you right into the “delta of venus,” to quote Beck. I mean, maybe you don’t need the extra help, maybe, but still there it is, givingly, lovingly, aiding you when you are at your most giving and loving. I applaud you, sir.

So really, what I am saying, for the first time here and now, is that Matthew’s cakes have the power to turn your vices into virtues. You may not buy that, yet, ma'am, but if you buy this book and pay attention to the absolute miracle detailed within, you may just find you won’t need to. You may find that it is all true for you too.

On the other side of thing.

So, there’s that.

Can you imagine how great a gift this is for one brother to give to another?

Now here’s Matthew with his own take on the thing, with an assist from the invaluable Jacques Delaguerre, anthropath extra-ordinaire.

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